How to Collect Debt Without Losing Friends

Financial Boundary Strategies Professional Wealth Stewardship by David Angway, RFP.

[0:00] – How to ask a friend to pay you back? Navigating the social challenge of debt.

[1:45] – How to remind someone to pay their debt politely? Starting the conversation.

[3:30] – Why you shouldn't lend money if you are too shy to collect? The "Shy Rule" explained.

[5:10] – Is a verbal agreement for a loan legally binding? The power of written documentation.

[7:45] – How to use collateral for personal loans? Protecting your money with security.

[10:15] – How do post-dated checks (PDC) work for debt repayment? Automating your collection.

[13:30] – Should I lend my emergency fund to a relative? Setting firm financial boundaries.

[16:45] – How to handle emotional blackmail when collecting debt? Managing the "Friend Card."

[19:20] – How much money should you lend to friends and family? The "Gift Strategy" for peace of mind.

[23:10] – What does the Bible say about lending and borrowing? Stewardship in relationships.

[28:45] – How to be debt-free by the end of 2026? Final advice on financial freedom.

[31:00] – Where to read David Angway’s financial blogs? Connecting for expert wealth coaching.

The Conversation: Debt, Friendships, and Financial Boundaries

Bry: Welcome back to Inspirations Unlimited! I'm your host, Bryan Dela Cruz. Joining us today is a workplace financial wellness provider and Registered Financial Planner, David Isaiah Angway. David, our topic today is a bit sensitive: How do we give a "gentle reminder" to friends who owe us money?

David: Thank you for having me, Bry! This is a great topic because, culturally, Filipinos are very shy about asking for their money back. We often feel that the person who borrowed should be the one to remember, but that isn't always the case.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Bry: How do you send a gentle reminder for a debt payment?

David: A simple text, call, or chat is usually the first step. However, if you are naturally shy, you might find it difficult.

• Be Direct but Polite: Avoid being passive-aggressive. A clear message about the agreed-upon date is better than dropping hints.

• The "Shy Rule": If you are too shy to ask for your money back, then you shouldn't be lending money in the first place. Lending requires the courage to collect.

Bry: What is the most effective way to protect yourself when lending to friends?

David: Never rely on "verbal agreements" alone. If the amount is significant, you need structure:

• Written Contracts: Even a simple handwritten note signed by both parties can serve as a "gentle reminder" of the commitment.

• Collateral: For larger amounts, ask for something of value as security.

• Post-Dated Checks (PDC): This is one of the most effective tools. If they give you checks, you don't have to ask them every month; you just deposit the check on the due date.

Bry: Is it okay to say "No" when a friend asks for a loan?

David: Yes. In fact, saying "no" can save the friendship.

• The "Bank" Mindset: Tell them, "I’d love to help, but my budget for lending this month is already exhausted."

• Prioritize Your Emergency Fund: Never lend money that you might need for your own emergencies. You cannot set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Bry: What if a friend uses the "I thought we were friends" card to avoid paying?

David: That is a red flag. Real friends respect your hard-earned money.

• Emotional Blackmail: If they use your relationship to avoid a financial obligation, they are disrespecting the boundary of the friendship.

• The "Gift" Strategy: If you decide to help, only lend an amount you are willing to lose. Treat it as a gift in your mind so that if they don't pay, your peace of mind remains intact.

Clean Takeaways

• Don't Lend if You Can't Collect: If you lack the "face" to ask for your money back, keep your money in your pocket.

• Documentation is Key: Use chats, texts, or formal contracts to document the debt. It makes the "gentle reminder" much easier later on.

• Set Financial Boundaries: It is not your responsibility to fund everyone else's lifestyle or emergencies at the expense of your own financial health.

• Take Action Early: If your goal is to be debt-free or have less stress by the end of 2025, you must be serious about managing both what you owe and what is owed to you.

Bry: Thank you, David! That’s a wrap for today. Where can our listeners find you?

David: You can follow me on Facebook at David Isaiah Angway, read my blog at davidangway.com, or find me on TikTok and YouTube for more tips on personal finance.

Bry: Thank you, David! Remember, kaagapay, if you're shy, don't lend!

For professional consultations or workplace wellness programs, visit davidangway.com